Awakening

September 22, 2015

Dear Readers,

This is my second ‘awakening’ to my consciousness levels being awakened again. At age 23 I was awakened to the truth of what made me happy and dropped everything in New York City to fulfill the vision my heart and third eye were showing me, speaking to me, and pushing me to have the courage to jump ship.

A call from my mother who was devastatingly dealing with her own health problems gave me the extra push to come back to GA and take care of her and be aligned with my heart.   The year was 2008 and the world was my ‘oyster’ in a sense.

I realized shortly after coming to Atlanta my vision came with no plan and after quitting a good job in Manhattan, letting go of my apartment, and bringing few belongings back to GA, I was starting all over again.    It was May, the news reported the economy beginning to crash and I was in for a roller coaster ride for years.  My spirit winded the road of earth trying to center and balance while my spirit was pushing me to stay on its spiritual road.

I found myself in states of utter bliss, with moments of extreme insecurities centering around who I was and what I was doing.  My ‘support’ communities did not understand me. I felt very alone.  Out of the alone-ness freed my mind, my world and I kept on working odd end jobs and some jobs that made the people close to me feel better about what ‘I did’ for work; however my spirit was still pushing me – almost saying without words – “This is not for you, MOVE FORWARD”.

 

Before moving to Georgia that first year, I spent countless Sundays sitting on a rock ‘meditating’ – at the time I did not know that I was meditating.    This rock became a safe zone for me inside Central Park.  I woke up and made some breakfast and lunch and walked or ran to this rock every weekend for 7 months. Each day I wrote random topics but mostly lists of what truly made me happy and if I were to leave NYC where would I go.  What would I do.

As I sat there I connected to an old self of me, a little girl, who used to draw, paint, dance, sing, dress up, and create stories.  Everywhere she went there was no stranger and she was open and giving to each.  “She” being I started writing down all these memories from the silver dollar pancakes her moms best friend/sitter would make for me and my sister with this ‘special’ syrup, to the characters and outfits I would create with them…the story worlds I would create, the magical landscapes and mysterious inventions, and exotic foods they would eat.

So in 2008 I decided on this rock, I was going to start over…follow my heart, go home help my mom, and begin connecting with my artistic self.

Next to really bring the art back, I had to purify my body.  But purify – meant no chemicals – completely put my body back into a childlike state.  No sugar, no dairy, no meat, no chemicals, no alcohol, no drugs, only pure organic foods and challenging the ‘negative thoughts or actions’ I had found myself leaning towards when getting emotional.  Emotional eating, sabotaging myself in variety of ways, taking care of others needs before my own, etc.   I began to become more and more self-aware of these triggers and instead of do the things to weigh my body down more.   I began doing more to lighten my spirit and put effort into activities that would move my body.  These included yoga, pilates, dancing Flamenco, and walking to and from work daily (1.5 hours each way).

 

When I moved to GA I started teaching myself pattern making to create these costumes and dresses in my head.  I was offered an apprenticeship to work with a local gold smith and began Saturday mornings learning how to do small adjustments in wax and sizing rings.

My goal was to learn how to design these worlds and the characters in them while I wrote about them, sketching ideas here and there and working sometimes 4 or 5 jobs at a time to keep all of my finances in check.  Some months were harder than others.  I kept a journal for the four years I was in Georgia (2008-2012) and wrote down the jobs and the money that was in my account…let’s just say I learned the hard way to trust my heart.

 

When you do not follow your heart and do the ‘other’ work not aligned with your spirits mission – the struggle becomes more because you are not in alignment with your truth, your authentic, unique self.

When you are beginning to awake and you are searching for what truly makes your heart lift and makes you YOU YOU YOU smile (I write YOU many times – because its your life, you live for you, you have to make yourself happy – not do what makes others happy – because you will never be happy and you will continue getting off your path and not make others happy -ever).

Your spiritual path is the true straight path for you to walk and be centered and grounded in.  It is the way in which you can move and share your love for your life with others and spread the abundance outward.  Every being on this earth is here to live fully in their true nature – the truth sets each of us free and creates joy in our life.   If you are not living your truth – you are not happy with your life, thus struggle, anger, frustration, jealousy etc come in.

Walking the spiritual path at first may be difficult when realizing that the world and relationships you have built might not be completely aligned with your truth. You may have to start all over again or not.  You may have to let go of your current job, home, relationship(s), material possessions, and beliefs.  It can be scary but I promise you if you stay focused on your heart center, your spirits path will continue to appear and the light of your vision will become more and more apparent as you walk forward.  Do not believe.  Know that your heart, your gut, your feelings, your intuition, your knowing, and your spirit are telling you your truth.  Walk forward with courageous steps and with any confusion take a deep long breath….in….and….out…and ask yourself, “Is this aligning me with my highest self?”  Be quiet and listen.  Go Forward With Your Truth.

 

 

 

 

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